Therapy Is Political — Practicing the Affirming Stance in a Messy World
Therapy Is Political
Therapy doesn’t exist outside of politics, culture, or the daily realities we all live through. Our clients bring what’s happening in the world into the room, and so do we. That means, despite how we’re trained, neutrality in therapy is not neutral.
Neutrality always communicates something, even when we don’t mean for it to.
So, as trauma therapists, the real question is, How do we show up human without imposing our own beliefs or co-signing harm?
The Blank Slate Myth
Most of us were trained to believe professionalism meant becoming a blank slate. That meant no visible reactions, no disclosures, no evidence of our own humanity.
But what does that look like to clients?
Often, it can very easily feel like distance, silence, or judgment, which can vary based on our clients’ cultural backgrounds.
Think about it too though - the neutral therapist is the stereotype we’ve all cringed at on TV and in movies, right? The therapist portrayed as quiet, expressionless, and hiding behind a notepad.
And now I’m gonna burst your bubble because clients don’t necessarily see professionalism in that stance. It can feel cold and unapproachable, so instead they see absence.
And absence rarely feels safe.
Neutrality as Switzerland
If the blank slate is complete erasure of ourselves as therapists, neutrality is the attempt to stay present without taking a position. We listen, we nod, we reflect back, but we hold our beliefs tightly behind a curtain.
And neutrality does have its place, do doubt there.
It can create safety when a client is sorting through their own beliefs, it gives space for the unknown. But neutrality is still a stance. It communicates something and often, what it communicates, is indifference or avoidance.
Think back to the pandemic. In those early days, our humanity was on full display — kids wandering through Zoom calls, dogs barking, makeshift offices in kitchens.
Clients could see we were human right alongside them.
Now, we’re back in offices or in front of the same polished Zoom backgrounds. The headlines we just read before session? Invisible. The cultural and political storms we’re living through? Unnamed. The shared reality is still there, but it’s hidden.
That’s the messy middle we’re in now.
The Affirming Anchor
And with that messy middle, things get both more complex and more powerful.
The affirming anchor is the middle path — not disappearing behind a blank slate, not pretending neutrality is neutral, but choosing to show up with openness, compassion, and intention.
Affirmation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a client says.
It also doesn’t mean we challenge every idea that feels different or atypical. It means being intentional about when and how we challenge, always asking, “Does this serve my client’s healing, or am I reacting to my own discomfort?”
Affirming is about anchoring ourselves in humanity, being steady enough for our clients to feel safe, while still grounded in our professional judgment.
Easier said than done, right?
Edges of Affirmation
Before we talk about how to be affirming, let’s first find our frame because affirming doesn’t mean we just agree with everything our clients share. It’s not about co-signing harm or never challenging.
Being an affirming anchor means knowing both what we are affirming and what we cannot affirm. It requires clarity, nuance, and courage.
The edges of affirmation matter and here are some ways to I approach this:
Faith-affirming does not mean affirming hate or exclusion.
Political-affirming does not mean affirming violence, oppression, or harmful policies.
Orientation-affirming does not mean affirming abuse or coercion.
Cultural-affirming does mean celebrating diversity, belonging, and resisting racism, xenophobia, or supremacy.
Gender-affirming does mean honoring people’s full identities and resisting rigid roles or stereotypes that erase humanity.
Identity-affirming does mean supporting authentic self-expression while holding boundaries against behaviors that perpetuate harm, even if those behaviors feel familiar or protective to the client.
And this is far from an exhaustive list, but I hope it’s sparking some ideas for you.
Because affirmation is about standing with clients in their dignity and worth. It’s choosing to say, “Your humanity belongs here,” even as we set boundaries around harmful content.
This is what sets the stage for practicing the affirming anchor in real time.
When a Client Reflected My Stance Back
Let me switch gears to a recent experience in my clinical work that helped to inspire this blog post.
I had a termination session with a client not too long ago, and as we were processing the goodbye, the client said something that landed deeply. She told me what mattered most to her wasn’t my neutrality or my clinical expertise, it was how open and accepting I had been.
She described sharing things she thought were “atypical,” things she worried others would judge or try to fix. What made the difference was my stance of affirmation and the way I held her with positive regard, without trying to erase or challenge those parts of her.
I hadn’t realized how much she noticed. That moment reminded me that clients always pick up on our stance, consciously or not. And when they feel affirmed in their humanity, it can change everything.
Quick Skills for Practicing the Affirming Stance
Let’s end with some actionable skills and steps you can take right now to start anchoring yourself as an affirming anchor this week:
W.A.I.T: Why Am I Talking (or Triggered) - a powerful lesson from Brainspotting that reminds us that, before responding, you can ask yourself, “Am I serving my client’s healing, or soothing my own discomfort?”
Make Safety Explicit: Be explicit about what is welcome in the room. For example: “This part of you belongs here and it’s safe to bring it into our work.” This helps clients feel their identity or story isn’t taboo.
Hold Edges Clearly: When something harmful comes up, separate the client’s worth from the behavior or belief. For example: “You deserve care and respect. At the same time, I cannot support violence as a solution.” This affirms dignity while setting a boundary around harm.
Use Curiosity, Not Correction: Instead of debating, invite: “Tell me more about how that belief etc. supports you right now.”
Ground Yourself as Anchor: Bring a simple regulation practice into session — breath, posture, a grounding object, somatic stops — so you can hold steady even in charged moments.
When Clients Push Our Boundaries
Affirmation does not mean enduring harmful or offensive content without limits.
Let me say that louder for those in the back because there will be times when what clients share pushes up against your own boundaries.
In those moments:
Notice your own activation via body cues, emotions, thoughts, and images.
Name your limits gently but clearly.
Reaffirm the client’s humanity, even while drawing boundaries.
This is nuanced, complicated work, and it deserves more space than I can give here. That’s why next week’s blog will dig deeper into exactly how to navigate sessions when what’s shared feels beyond affirming and into harmful territory.
Reflection for You
Take a moment to reflect:
Where do you notice yourself leaning on this continuum - blank slate, neutrality, or the affirming anchor?
Which of these quick skills feels possible to try in your next session?
Remember: you don’t have to get it perfect. Small shifts make a difference.
A Community for Trauma Therapists
If you take away just one thing from this, I hope it’s the fact that therapy is political, and you don’t have to navigate that reality in isolation.
That’s why I created BRAVE, a space where trauma therapists can be human first, unpack the hard edges of this work, and experience real support with colleagues who understand.
Membership is just $12/month, and it gives you access to live calls, guest trainings, and a 24/7 community that will actually hold you up while you keep holding your clients.
Don’t wait until you’re exhausted or questioning if you can keep going. Join us now and experience what it feels like to belong in a community built for therapists like you!
Click here to join BRAVE today.
Image idea: A circle of therapists sitting together, sharing and laughing.
Alt text: A supportive group of therapists sitting in a circle, symbolizing community and connection inside BRAVE.
