How to Choose Your Word of the Year After Ditching New Year’s Resolutions

If you, like me, have already decided that New Year’s resolutions aren’t for you, then welcome to the club!

Letting go of resolutions is one thing, but actually choosing a Word of the Year can feel surprisingly complicated, especially if you’re trying to apply “resolution concepts” to this practice. This can make you feel pressured to do it “the right way” or make sure you don’t pick the wrong thing, which is the complete opposite of what we’re going for here. 

Which is where this week’s blog comes in, as a continuation of Preparing for Your Word of the Year (Without New Year’s Resolutions). In that first step, we slowed things down and focused on listening instead of pushing for answers.

This is where we move into implementation.

Not by forcing clarity or narrowing too quickly. But by paying attention to what happens when words are spoken, shared, and used in real life.

This post is also a companion to the video above where I walk through this process out loud. If you watched that and found yourself thinking, “I get it, but I still don’t know how to land on a word,” this is where we slow it down on the page.

When every word feels wrong, stop trying to choose

One of the most common things I hear from trauma therapists is with this practice is:

“I have a whole list of words, but none of them fit.”

This leaves them feeling frustrated and ready to just throw in the towel because “this was supposed to be easier, right?” 

Just because we got rid of resolutions doesn’t mean it’s easy, but the word of the year practice, when done with felt sense, sure does make a difference for your year. 

A therapist friend of mine ran into this exact wall last year. She had reflected and brainstormed. She had several words that technically made sense. But every time she tried to land on one, it felt off. The harder she tried to decide, the more stuck she felt.

That stuckness wasn’t a failure though. It ended up being really important information.

And if you’re in this place, the work isn’t to pick better. The work is to stop forcing a decision that your system isn’t ready to make.

Discernment does not happen in your head alone

Most trauma therapists are really good at internal processing. We think things through. We analyze. We weigh options. We turn things over quietly and carefully.

That skill is useful in a lot of places.

Choosing a Word of the Year is usually not one of them.

My friend was trying to internally debate her way into clarity. She was weighing meanings, asking herself what each word implied, and trying to reason her way to the “right” choice.

Nothing shifted until the process became relational.

She reached out to me for help and we just started saying words out loud. Not to choose or commit but to simply hear them and notice what changed when a word moved from thought to sound.

This is where a lot of therapists get unstuck.

Discernment often requires externalizing the process. Letting words exist in the space between you and another person. Giving your nervous system something real to respond to, not just something to think about.

So if you’re trying to do this entirely on your own, consider who you might share the process with. Someone who can listen without steering and reflect without fixing (you know, our therapist basics 😉).

When a word fits, the arguing stops

There is a moment in this process that is surprisingly quiet.

It doesn’t feel exciting or necessarily inspiring but it sure does feel relieving.

In my friend’s case, that moment came when she said the word Aligned.

There was no follow up explanation. No second guessing. No internal back and forth.

The frustration just dropped.

That’s one of the clearest signs a word fits. You don’t have to convince yourself and the internal debate is over.

This is very different from picking a word because it “sounds” meaningful or aspirational. Those words often require a lot of mental energy to hold in place.

A fitting word settles.

A good word keeps working as things change

Once a word lands, the next impulse is usually to test it.

Is this really the right word?

That’s a reasonable question and, spoiler alert, the answer doesn’t come from locking it in or trying to perfect it.

A good Word of the Year is flexible. It can move with you as your life shifts.

For my friend, what felt aligned at the beginning of the year looked very different from what felt aligned later on. The word still worked because it wasn’t rigid. It didn’t require consistency. It allowed for change.

If a word only works when things are calm or clear, it’s probably not going to be very useful when your capacity shifts, your work gets heavier, or your life asks something different of you.

This part of the process isn’t about creating certainty. It’s about noticing whether a word has enough room to hold the year you’re actually living.

Let the word become a decision filter

Over time, a Word of the Year becomes less something you think about and more something you return to.

For my friend, the word showed up most often when she was overwhelmed or stuck in a decision.

She would notice herself going back and forth. Weighing options. Feeling pulled in multiple directions.

And then the question would become simpler.

What is most aligned with my life right now?

That shift usually came with an exhale. Not because the decision was easy, but because it was clearer.

This is what a Word of the Year is meant to do.

It supports you.

It does not demand anything from you.

Why this works better in community

Even with reflection and insight and a clear process, my friend did not get there on her own.

The clarity came in conversation. In relationship.

This is something we understand deeply as trauma therapists when we’re working with clients. It’s much harder to offer ourselves the same support.

Many of us are used to carrying things internally, sorting it out quietly, and pushing through alone (oh, hello Jenny).

This is why I host the FREE Word of the Year Workshop inside the BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective.

Not to tell you what your word should be or to push insight.

But to give you a space to walk through this process with other trauma therapists, in real time, with support. 

We use guided group Brainspotting practices to help people notice what actually fits, rather than what they think they should choose.

The workshop is free and LIVE on January 9th from 12-1pm Central time.  To attend, you just need to join the BRAVE community at either the free or paid tier.

You can join here:

https://community.braveproviders.com

A final note

If you don’t have a word yet, that’s okay. Being undecided is not a problem to fix, it’s part of the process.

Clarity tends to arrive when there is enough space for it to land. If you want help creating that space, I’d love to have you join us.