You Don’t Have to White Knuckle It Through Every Session: Taming Vicarious Trauma in Your Body
Please note: This blog was originally published on March 25, 2023 and includes updates and additional resources.
If you’re bracing before every session, feeling like you’re about to suit up for trauma therapy battle, it's not just you.
White knuckling your way through client after client doesn’t mean you’re failing as a trauma therapist. It means your survival brain is doing exactly what it’s wired to do — protect you.
And it sucks, not gonna lie!
The work we do is sacred, yes. And it’s deeply taxing.
Part of that drain is the implicit and explicit expectation we have to push through session after session in this constant low hum of “buck up and deal with it.”
If you haven’t heard it before, let me be the first to tell you - that’s toxic bullshit and no one deserves to live that way, especially not trauma therapists.
So today, I want to offer a simple shift. One that can help you stay present, to metabolize the work you do in a healthy way, so you no longer have to white knuckle it through each and every session.
The Survival Brain Isn’t the Problem
Something I hear a lot from members of The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective is this belief that if they are affected by their work, if they’re always running late, dreading sessions, or armoring up behind a calm face, that it’s their fault.
Maybe you think this too - that you’ve failed as a trauma therapist because you can’t just leave work at work.
Please listen to me when I say -
This isn’t happening because you’re not strong enough.
It’s not because you’re not cut out for this.
It’s that you’re human. A deeply caring, empathic human.
And being affected by trauma work isn’t a flaw. It’s a sign that your brain and body are doing their jobs.
That’s because when you sit across from your client and they share their own story of trauma, your brain can’t tell the difference between their narrative and your own current experiences.
The images that fly through your brain are tagged as lived experiences, so your own natural survival responses kick in.
You move into fight, flight, freeze, flop even as you look back at your client with empathy, calm, and compassion.
And when this happens again and again and you operate from a place of “suck it up and deal”, all that survival energy starts to get stuck in your brain and body.
You don’t get the opportunity to metabolize your work as a trauma therapist, and it can very quickly turn into vicarious trauma.
What Vicarious Trauma Really Feels Like in the Body
The signs of vicarious trauma we were just talking about?
They often show up in your body first.
A clenched jaw. A tight chest. Racing thoughts. The urge to dissociate.
These are your nervous system’s way of telling you that you’ve hit capacity (or gone past it).
This is why you might feel physically drained after a session. Why you sometimes forget what you said. Why you zone out or hyper-focus.
These aren’t just stress responses. They’re nervous system patterns yelling out to you that vicarious trauma has set in.
The Window of Tolerance, Reimagined for the Therapy Room
You’ve probably heard of the Window of Tolerance — that sweet spot where your nervous system can stay grounded, connected, and regulated.
But what I’ve learned from years of working with therapists is this: most of us don’t know how to feel our way back into it.
We can describe it. Teach it to clients. But in the therapy room, when our own systems start to spike or crash, we override. We push through. We code it as “being professional.”
That’s why I created a simple tool to help you notice your nervous system in real time.
It’s not a performance tracker. It’s not a worksheet you need to fill out between clients.
It’s a gentle mirror.
A way to ask:
When am I checking out?
When am I overriding my body to keep going?
When does the work start to feel like pressure instead of presence?
This tool is a gentle reminder that your brain and body will naturally go into hyper- and hypoarousal throughout the day, whether you’re working or not.
And using a tool like this is not about fixing or pathologizing your nervous system. It’s about honoring it.
Because when you pause to notice how your body was trying to help you during a tough session, you’re acknowledging the very human truth that your body is always responding. even when the rest of you is trying to stay in “therapist mode.”
Try This: The Somatic Stop
One tool I teach inside BRAVE, and use myself, is something called a Somatic Stop.
It’s a modification of the EMDR container exercise, but specifically for therapists who are trying to stay present and grounded while their own survival responses are flaring up mid-session.
Here’s how it works:
Notice the warning sign — a tightening in your chest, a flash of imagery, a looping thought. Briefly label it: “fear,” “guilt,” whatever fits.
Reach for a physical object you’ve prepped to serve as your container — a small box, a jar, even a lotion bottle.
Visualize placing the sensation, image, or thought inside. Gently close it.
Place it down. Take one breath. Reconnect with your client. Notice what it’s like to return to your Window of Tolerance.
This takes maybe 3–5 seconds in real time. Yes, it’s easier on Zoom, but I’ve had BRAVE members get creative with in-person options:
Doodling a little square on their notes
Using a hand cream as a “container” and grounding anchor
Keeping a stone in their pocket to squeeze and release
The goal isn’t to banish or suppress the survival energy. It’s to acknowledge it — and to give it somewhere to go for now, so you can stay in the work without sacrificing your nervous system.
And after the session?
You circle back. You tend to what came up. You reflect. You care for your system the way you care for your clients.
That’s what makes this work sustainable.
You’re Not Supposed to White Knuckle It Alone
Please know this -
You don’t have to pretend this work doesn’t affect you.
You don’t have to armor up for every session.
You definitely don’t have to do this alone.
Inside The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective, we name the impact of this work without shame, and we practice nervous system repair without self-judgment.
We use tools like the Somatic Stop not to “fix” ourselves — but to honor how deeply this work touches us, and to stay in it without burning out.
If this resonates, come join us!
We’re building something real here, and you’re invited.
